Creating Healthy Body Image in Kids
As someone who works with body image in my profession, I still worry about how I am going to handle the moments my daughter talks about her body or others' bodies in a negative way. I would like to believe that I can detour her from a life of body shaming, but unfortunately she lives in the same world as the rest of us.
So here are some suggestions to help other parents out there with similar concerns. I would love feedback and welcome any input from parents who have felt their strategies helped create body positivity in their children.
- Watch how you talk about yourself. Many parents with a child who has an eating disorder state that they never criticized their daughter/son's body. However, what was happening, is their child watched them for years talk poorly about their own body. Our children mimic us in every way. Your talk becomes a big part of their internal voice. What you say about yourself becomes a compass for their own self image. Speak kindly to and about yourself. If you have a hard time doing this, try to start off by staying neutral. You don't have to love your body, but don't hate it either.
- Watch how you talk about others. Similarly, just because you are not saying it to them directly, kids are constantly comparing their self to others as a gage for identity-development. If you say "He has really put on some weight" in a negative or shaming way, that can easily be interpreted by your child as "If my body changes, it is unacceptable."
- Shift the focus. Body talk is everywhere...especially this time of year. "Oh I am being so bad during the holidays. I am going to gain so much weight." Interpretation... food=weight gain= "I'm bad." Result: GUILT. Recognize that our talk has a lot of impact both on ourselves and on those around us. You do not know who is struggling around you. Recognize that our words have the power to create thoughts in others' minds... even if you are saying those words about yourself. Try to talk about other parts of your life or ask people about their life.
- Know yourself and your own insecurities. Our talk typically surrounds our own insecurities. If you are pointing out others' eating habits or body changes, it probably means you have your own insecurities about your body. Know your own stuff and don't put it on your children.
- Ditch the diet. Yes, they can work temporarily, but diets are not sustainable. One of the biggest predictor variables of weight gain is a recent diet. Don't jump on the diet fad, don't talk about your diets, don't push your diets on your children. If you are wanting to make changes, read books about how to change your relationship with food and eat intuitively. Read about acceptance of self and how our culture creates shaming.
- Keep exercise separate: Exercise is wonderful. It keeps our body and our mind healthy and strong. IF WE ARE HEALTHY, exercise should be a variable in our balanced living. However, many of us use it as a compensation or a compulsion. "If I eat this, then I need to exercise it off." Try keeping food and exercise separate. Exercise to stay healthy. Eat to stay healthy. Exercise is fun, unless it is a punishment. Instead of "I have to go on a run because I want to lose weight" try "Wouldn't it be fun to sign up for a color run or start a yoga class" Make exercise fun and healthy...not a means to weight loss. We strongly recommend kids yoga. Yoga is great for both the body and enhancing mindfulness in your children.
- Praise the whole child. We have a poor habit of praising children for their beauty. Children are beautiful and they deserve to hear that they are beautiful, but maybe we should redefine beauty. Tell children WHY they are beautiful. "You are smart, you are funny, you laugh, you are creative." Redefine beauty to entail the whole child...not just their looks.
Want to read more on parenting for body image. Check out this article.